If my husband doesn’t know that I’m still in “draft thinking” mode and that the strongly suggested idea was only that- a suggestion-then he can easily misinterpret my idea as a “done deal” or a decision on the matter. Perhaps I begin talking in more depth about the Chefchouen possibility, bringing up a lot of details and strong arguments for that option. For example, if we are discussing where we want to travel on our next vacation, I may throw out a lot of different ideas-Marrakech, Essouria, Chefchouen, Djerba, Bizerte. When I get to one that I really like, I might camp there for a while and talk strongly about it. Often, with my husband, I spit out a million ideas a minute on a topic. If the person we’re talking with-our spouse, friend, teammate, employee-doesn’t know that we are in “draft thinking” mode, communication can become blurred with confusion and unmet expectations. That’s how I’m wired.īut that’s not the case for everyone. Why? Because I like to brainstorm, generate ideas, and create messy “drafts” in my thinking and verbal processing. The expression struck me in a good place. Now, we try to assume it’s a ‘draft,’ or at least ask each other if X is a decision or not.” One thought it was a decision, and the other didn’t. That’s no big deal sometimes, but at other times, it causes us lots of conflict. “Sometimes I’ll share an idea like grocery shopping tomorrow morning, and my husband thinks it’s a decision. The facilitator mentioned that she and her husband had been helped by the idea of “draft thinking.” It entailed taking a topic of conversation and then opening the floor for the exploration of ideas and creative thinking between the husband and wife on the subject at hand. However, if it wasn’t clear to everyone involved, things could quickly escalate!ĭuring the NDDM session, we were in the middle of an exercise where we were learning a new communication skill for marriage. It was important to clarify for everyone that we were in the stage of “brainstorming” or “green lighting.” This indicated that we were openly throwing out ideas and possibilities. I have been in the middle of many messy, and potentially conflictual, team meetings when we were trying to talk through solutions and make decisions together. Well, not until I was in a recent Navigating Desires & Decisions in Marriage training (NDDM) session, and the training facilitator with See Beyond mentioned “draft thinking.” I certainly don’t think about marriage when I hear the word “draft.” and a big, fat, capitalized letter in red ink! Then we would begin the process of gradually editing, refining, and polishing our messy work into a fine-tuned final draft to submit to our teacher for scrutiny and evaluation. We had to turn in a rough draft for approval by our teacher and initial feedback before proceeding. It takes me straight back to the good ole’ days of my high school English classes, when we had to write rough drafts of our writing compositions. What comes to mind when you hear the word “draft”?
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